Practical ideas to ease the feeling the stress in a new culture.
By Laurel A. Cocks
Quote: Learn from everyone and everything you can…learn from situations and people so that you can return to them as a friend. You can learn from nationals, anthropologists, missionaries, and even those with whom you disagree.
Laurel A. Cocks enjoys preparing people for cross-cultural service and worked as coordinator of Pre-Field Orientation at Missionary Internship.
1. Talk it out. Talk with a national friend. Lois prayed for such a friend before she and her husband left Canada . Her new friend helped her understand many of her new experiences, introduced her to relatives and friends, and was a great help in preventing loneliness. (Single people aren't the only ones who get lonely, you know.)
Talk with your spouse or housemate. It's helpful to describe your feelings to others. This may prevent the explosion that sometimes occurs when emotions remain bottled up. It's also a good idea to get another person's perspective so that your few bad experiences don't outweigh all the good ones. One caution here: there are some things that should be told to God alone. Simply dumping everything on another person may do neither of you any good.
Talk with other expatriates. It may be interesting to share your experiences with fellow short-termers, missionaries, or others who have lived for some time in the country. The latter may have forgotten what it was like when they first arrived, so don't be too disappointed if they find it hard to empathize. Try to avoid, though, spending time with any foreigner who looks down on the nationals and their culture. Some people delight in telling disparaging stories about the "natives." The disease can be contagious, so don't expose yourself to it.
Talk to yourself by journaling and letter writing. Writing can be very therapeutic, so articulate your thoughts and feelings on paper. Journals don't talk back, and you don't have to regret what you say to them. A young woman who spent a year with an African family enjoyed writing out her prayers and meditations. These were later an encouragement to those with whom she shared them. Your letters to close friends and relatives back home give them insights into your life abroad and keep home ties intact. If you find writing difficult, why not talk into a tape recorder?
2. Get into a routine. Language study provides routine for some people. It brings order to the day and gives built-in opportunities to get to know people and learn the culture. If no structure is provided, build a certain amount of it for yourself, remembering to leave room for God to bring unexpected people and experiences into your life.
If your job involves moving from place to place, try to schedule sufficient time to rest and get used to the new place. Don't feel you have to play the tourist and try to see every sight within a 200-mile radius.
3. Try to learn the local language. Learning a person's language is an indication of your respect and acceptance. You may not get too far beyond greetings if your term is short, but you're sure to be rewarded with smiles and good will. Even if they know English, most people appreciate your effort. Language learning also helps form deeper relationships. And more than that, it's a way to minis-ter to people.
4. Learn all you can. Observe, listen, inquire. Try to make sense out of the information you gather by making some tentative guesses. Then check them out with someone. Never be afraid to admit your first hunch was wrong. Throw it out and try again. Making a game of it can be fun and informative, and you'll be surprised how much it helps the blues.
When I was first in Zambia , another greenhorn and I were wondering about a strange object just outside the church door. It was a small bunch of dry grass tied together at one end. My friend, who had been reading all about religious customs, thought it must have had something to do with spirit worship; a strange thing to have near a church. When we asked, we discovered it was just a broom used to sweep the building. So much for that guess. I'm glad we hadn't drawn any firm conclusions from our first observations.
Develop an inquisitive mind for history, social customs, religion, family structure, recreation, political organization, and anything else you're interested in. Prepare your own list to take advantage of the ideas in Robert Kohls' book, Survival Kit for Overseas Living (Intercultural Press, 1984), or Transcultural Study Guide (Volunteers in Asia, 1975) by Grey, Darrow, Morrow, and Palmquist.
Learn from everyone and everything you can. This will involve learning the "rules" so you can inquire in a courteous way. Don't let your curiosity come across as blunt, too interrogative, or impolite. Instead, learn from situations and people so that you can return to them as a friend. You can learn from nationals, anthropologists, missionaries, and even those with whom you disagree. Accept their point of view for what it is: information given from another perspective or world view.
5. Examine your expectations. You have them, whether or not you think you do. Expectations usually hide in dark corners, not articulated, and it takes some effort to flush them out. "What did I expect?" is a question to keep asking yourself in order to get more clarity between what you thought and what you got. Not dealing with unmet expectations is a sure way to grease the slide of disappointment and disillusionment.
It's unlikely that you'll meet all your expectations. One short-termer in the Philippines thought he'd be able to speak the language much sooner than he could. Another common expectation is that a "successful" ministry is possible the minute you step off the plane. Remember that success is not your primary goal. Instead, look for ways to link up with what God is doing there. He'll use you all right, but perhaps not as you expected. Positive, realistic expectations are a most effective antidote for cultural stress. Don't leave home without them.
6. Keep learning about your own culture. Don't wait until you get overseas to start to understand your own cultural values and perspectives. Karen was eager to teach English in China , but the Lord knew what she needed first. At graduate school, she began to see herself, a middle-class American, through the eyes of international students and professors. Values and attitudes she had previously taken for granted came up for examination. This deeper understanding of her own culture and what lies behind her behavior is now enabling Karen to better learn the Chinese culture.
7. Use the opportunity to grow spiritually. Trust the Lord to use the challenges and difficulties you face to develop stability in you. When Sheila left the United States to do community development work, she couldn't imagine herself as a missionary, and it worried her. Would she be able to fulfill the role? Now after almost a year, she writes, "It's helped me to hear the firm beliefs of my staff as I flounder in the uneasiness of being foreign and alone. My time here has been a real growth experience in solitude." It has been important for Sheila to be a part of ongoing ministry, to see herself in God's scheme of things.
Much of your learning will occur weeks and months after you return home. As you recover from the rough spots, remember that they have the capacity to bring about deep changes in your life. You may then say, "Thank You, Lord, for the time overseas. I pray You'll one day lead me back."