Building relationships with nationals
By
Stephen T. Hoke
Stephen T. Hoke spent 15 years growing up in Japan, and afterward prepared the next generation of World Christians for cross-cultural ministry as Vice-President for Training at Church Resource Ministries.
"East is east, and west is west, and never the twain shall meet." Sometimes it seems that in relationships between missionaries and nationals, Rudyard Kipling was right. The gap between cultures seems uncrossable. The differences between cultures outweigh the similarities.
After two months in Brazil , Joyce wrote in her diary: "It's hard for me to believe that people who look so alike on the outside can be and think so differently on the inside. Even though we are both Christians, we perceive reality from opposite sides of the sea."
Can missionaries get to the point where they are no longer strangers in a foreign country? Can cultural barriers be broken down sufficiently to model that international community of faith we all espouse? The following practical guidelines for building relationships with nationals in the host country can guide you in "taking off masks" and "tearing down walls."
Get Involved
Many ministry opportunities are missed by short-termers because their attitude is that of ministering to, not ministering among or with. In Matthew 20:20-28, Jesus rebuked His disciples for the very same attitude of subtle superiority.
Resist the impulse to pull away and spend time mainly with other missionaries or expatriates. Stories of the dangers of culture shock, the stress of learning the language, and the loneliness of cross-cultural careers abound. Fear of failing or offending might cause you to become overly sensitive, tentative, never venturing forth or initiating friendship.
But it need not be that way. Two-year relief worker Celia wrote: "The most fulfilling part of my entire time in Africa was the friendships that grew with my Somali co-workers. Not all of them were Christians, but as we saw health emerge from the hell around us, our experiences bonded us together for life."
Learning the language and studying the culture are two steps that can prepare you to know people personally. Don't stop there. Attempt to develop friendships with different types of people, from taxi drivers to night watchmen, from secretaries to village midwives. Talk to people across the spectrum of social roles and levels in society. Attend local churches. Observe regional celebrations. Try relaxing the way local people relax - walking, talking under the trees, or playing soccer.
Linguists Tom and Betty Brewster highly recommend "bonding" with your host culture by living in the home of a local family for the first week or more after arriving overseas. This exposure will develop a personal, social, cultural, and spiritual bond between you and your hosts unlike anything you can develop in classes or by reading a book. Bonding comes by rubbing life on life.
Get Your Information Straight
Be aware that friendships in other cultures often do not mean exactly what we think they might. What we call friend, other cultures might call acquaintance. Friendship for them involves a commitment of time and self-sacrifice to a degree many Westerners do not understand and for which they're unprepared. At first, greetings will be sincere and hospitality genuine. But many cultures maintain a protective distance.
All the information you will need to close the gap is readily available. But you'll have to ask those around you. Spend time viewing life from the perspective of the nationals. Learn to ask good questions of your national co-workers and friends. Larry and Rob ended each workday of their six months in Thailand eating a leisurely dinner and talking with Thai co-workers in the refugee camps. Relationships of trust emerged as fear and ignorance were replaced by knowledge and empathy gained through nightly story telling and visits in each other's homes.
Get Ready to Break Down Barriers
Your information gathering will reveal some barriers. Try to identify the most significant barriers. In Asia , it may be subtleties of culture; in Africa , their fear of being assimilated by the West; in Latin America , the North-South ideological debate. Prayer will sensitize you to interpersonal issues to be resolved.
Work to remove or tear down those barriers over which you have some control or influence. Focus on similarities between people and culture; don't highlight the differences. Find a reliable sponsor in your new culture who is willing to give you honest and direct feedback on your language and behavior. Let that person serve as both a model and teacher to you in the nuances of cultural differences and folkways.
Church history is packed with emotionally gripping accounts of western missionaries who got involved, sought information, and broke all sorts of cultural barriers. They developed life-transforming relationships with national Christians in other cultures. Contemporary Christian missions should be an ongoing testimony to the truth of the apostle Paul's declaration, "You are no longer foreigners...but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household" (Eph. 2:19).